L I Y A N A' S . T H O U G H T S

_______________________________________Tuesday, May 17, 2005
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BackDated Thoughts: Kingdom of Heaven

Mood: Recollecting

Wednesday 10th May

My day started with lunch at Suntec with Numbnuts followed by the movie Kingdom Of Heaven directed by Ridley Scott. The day was spent like any normal outing previously but somehow I felt akward. I'm at a loss where to draw the line. I still want to be friends but shouldn't the fact that he's with an ex-school mate contribute to the comfiness of us hanging out together? Or is it just my principles of how i view thing? Even if it is, shouldn't that be respected?

I cannot help but think that what I'm doing now, and that is being as close as I was with him before, as taboo. I don't want to be labelled a boy-friend stealer by his other half's friends. There are people who do that as a profession but not me. But on the other hand, I am so comfortable when we are chilling.

I've come to realise, after reading my psychology notes, that I am born a teacher. It has been stated:

A Role of a Teacher is to be Redundant.

All my life, I have helped, assisted, advised and lead family and friends to the point where they achieved their goals and I have stepped back naturally because there is no longer a need for my being there unless I'm needed again. Seeing them happy made me happy because I attained my goal and that is helping them till they succeeced.

And isn't this what he wants? A bigger circle of friends, a girl he could love and a friend who was there when he needed one the most... I am happy he achieved all that some at my expense. I am happy I helped him that way. Now I need to step back from his life till he needs me again and in turn help myself get through this thing called Life.

I may not be here for long, so I can't afford to be sad or angry. I can only treasure the moments I live through from now onwards. Even the small stuff like remembering how a white lily smells.

Sweet memories are hard to come by.
Cherished memories are worth more than gold.

Truly, coincidents of watching Kingdom of Heaven, serving my role as a friend and seeing my existance as a human being on this world is remarkable.

I loved,
I cared,
I worried,
I guided,
I respected,
I treasured...
Till the day
that role is traded,
I shall always smile
till the end
When I go back to Him
The One who loves me.
Truly, my Creator, My Allah.
InsyaAllah..

~Liyana~

posted by AimiLiyana 4:18 pm

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BackDated Thoughts: Kingdom of Heaven